Q: “What is your writing process?”
B: “What is my writing process, excellent question, thank you for asking.
Well my writing process has changed over time and become a bit more defined and, I think, very effective these days, so hopefully you find some use in this as well.
For my writing process, you want to start by spending several days working very hard on many other things, cleaning the house, working on the yard, day job, et cetera. Very hard, miserable work, no slacking. Preferably on things with no discernible end-point, goal, or reward. During this time, you want to think about writing a lot, but importantly, almost solely think about writing in the abstract- the act of writing- rather than any specific or valuable ideas. And you’ll want to be berating yourself all the while for not getting more writing done, for not being a good writer, for having no ideas, you get the gist.
After that, you’ll want to take a very long, very hot bath because you know that over this time your mind has become very tightly wound and is not in a state conducive to creativity. So after several days of hard work, plan on taking a nice relaxing bath at the end of the day, but, and this is one of the most important steps, when the end of the day comes you’ll want to fritter about and find trivial, pointless things to do, or even just stare blankly at your phone instead, until it gets just too late to take a bath and then really dig into some self-deprecation and derision and especially disappointment-in-self, which is key.
The next day, do your hard work while really kinda just hating yourself, and it is on this day that you’ll want to find time to take a bath- for real this time. The quality of the bath should be as such: hot. Almost unbearably hot. Your skin should pucker and turn lobster red. Lots of bubbles, that’s good. Preferably unscented, possibly something soft and warm, like shea or vanilla. Maybe sandalwood. Now before you go take a bath, you’ll need several stiff drinks in you- liquor, not beer, since drinking a large volume of beer before a bath upsets your tim-tums. So, have at least two drinks before your bath, preferably three, then bring with you another glass, TONS of ice, with just a bit too much liquor as well, which you’ll drink over the course of your bath. And some cold water. If you had a slight headache or anything like that make sure you take some tylenol or excedrin before you get in as well. Oh and another important thing I meant to mention: dark. Make the room as dark as you can get it while being able to find your way back to the tub from the light switches. Have a small face towel to cover your eyes with too.
So- get in, cover your eyes, get as much of your body under the burning hot water and bubbles and just let yourself slip to the verrrrrry edge of consciousness. So much so, that one of the last purposeful thoughts to cross your mind is that this might be how you die some day, that your family may find you having unconsciously slipped beneath the water and drowned. Would your body be easier to revive for the heat of the bath? Or would it start some sort of cascade of organ failure as you die and make it harder to revive you? In either case, death seems almost more desirable. Doesn’t matter, leave that thought behind and move further past the veil of consciousness and let your mind float in that netherspace. Avoid sleep. Sleep is not what you’re here for. Semi-consciousness is. Take a sip of the cold cold liquor or cold cold water to ground yourself if you feel you’ve moved too close to sleep, to help aim yourself towards the mind state you want. Then, come-to an hour and a half to two hours later as the realization floats to the surface of your mind that the water has cooled quite a bit, almost uncomfortably so, since you have also miraculously sobered slightly and you are out of liquor. Stay in there for ten minutes or so longer as you sober a little more and fear the world outside. The weariness of the dead has invaded your body and it seems resistant to any sort of movement, any change. Finally, unstopper the tub, struggle to get yourself sitting partly upright onto the side of the tub and let your head hang between your knees just long enough to be relatively sure you won’t pass out or fall when you stand. Stand and weakly towel yourself off just the bare minimum, then stumble to your bed which has a fan blowing at it, collapse belly-down, spread-eagle but for your right arm under your head and pillow, then pass out into a true, deep sleep. Wake up two and a half hours later, cold, and pull two heavy comforters over yourself. sleep until the outside world prevents you from doing so any longer.
With any luck, you’ll wake up the next morning with a deep and profound silence inside of you. You’ll want to carry that with you for as long as you can and as peacefully as you can. Your thoughts are inside and they are swirling around and bouncing and jostling and mingling. It’s an egg and you prepared a nice warm nest for your silence last night in the bath, and you birthed it while you slept. All of that was already in you, but it wasn’t like this before you removed yourself as much as you could. Now they are all moving together and the wall of the egg is transparent and so thin, like a slender sheet of ice and you can feel it growing and see your thoughts moving about and becoming. You have to carry that silence with you as long as you possibly can, and protect it from everything else. Don’t open your mouth. Don’t move too suddenly, but also don’t let your attention lie too heavily upon it less you harm it. Let yourself simply be at peace, do no more than sweep your consciousness over the egg with the softness and love of a matronly feather. It is you and more.
The real world will eventually call you away from the egg, but don’t worry because it is inside you still. growing. You will become so involved in the world without that you will even forget the world within for a while. That is okay, don’t feel guilty. Let yourself be surprised and delighted when the beautiful little ideas that have hatched from that egg come tickling the front of your mind, coming out of the depths to join you and let you hold them and show them to the world. To coo over them and study them intensely and let you put their form upon the page. Maybe others will join while you study the one, that is fine, don’t hold on too tightly to the one you examine, let it down to join its brothers and sisters and pick up the next in line that is nibbling at your mind and give it all the same love and attention, there is plenty for everyone and let them all take their turn with you in the spotlight of conscious examination. Maybe there are some who shy away from the light still. Who still need to grow more. Maybe they are little, and maybe they are big, but shy. That’s fine, they will go back to the still warm waters at the depths of your mind and maybe next cycle they will go into the egg again, to grow and meet other ideas. They’ll learn as much from the other ideas as the others learn from them. And someday maybe those ones will be ready too, but it isn’t important when. You don’t have to rush them. Just keep them safe and warm. They’re you and more.
And then you start this 7-10 day cycle over again.
And that’s pretty much my process, hope that helps 🙂 next question, please?”